Guest Blogger

Originally posted www.honestlyyours-me.blogspot.com

After almost 4 years, I finally have the courage to write this. It’s been on my heart forever and even more so since my second son was born almost a year ago.

When I was pregnant with T, I, like many women pregnant with a boy, was asked “Are you going to circumsize?”. I actually think my own Dr was against it because she never presented a single pro/con, it was just a routine question that I’m sure she asked every mom. My response when she asked me was “No”. It was simple. I didn’t want to see my baby go through something like that, it cost 200$, and I just didn’t feel the need to. My mom, who was (and I hope not now) pro-circ, could not believe that I would not consider it. I gave her my reasons, and for her, they were not good enough. I had researched every other decision I had made, but not this one, and my 2 reasons just didn’t cut it for her. She came up with every horror story about boys having it done at 4 years old, or elderly men having it done, I was never quite convinced but when she said that her and my dad would pay for it and my dad would go in the room with him for the procedure, I basically agreed to get her off my back.

The day of the procedure was nothing special. I nursed and wore my 10 day old like normal and we went to the office where it was done. My dad stayed with T and when it was over he brought me out a baby with hardly any tears on his face but my dad looked shook up. The nurse told me how to care for it then I nursed T and we went home. After dinner I went to take off his diaper to get ready for bed and his diaper was FULL of blood. I was aware that some bleeding was normal but for his diaper to have so much blood in it that it was no longer absorbing, that didn’t seem normal. I took off the blood soaked gauze and found a spot where the blood was spurting out of. I lost my mind. I called my mom to take us to the hospital because I couldn’t drive yet due to my post partum swelling/stitches. We arrived at the hospital and T didn’t seem to be in any pain. He wasn’t crying or even slightly fussy. I just kept nursing and holding him. We were shown to a room almost immediatly because it was quite serious. A nurse checked his vitals and a Dr came in to assess. We were then told that an artery had been knicked during the circumcision. I must have had guilt written all over my face because the nurse was quite kind to me. They took blood from T to run some tests because they wanted to make sure he didn’t have a blood clotting disorder as well as some other things. I can’t remember all that happened because it was such a blur. In between tests I held him and nursed him. It was all I could do. I remember my mom saying “I’ve never heard of such a thing happening” in complete disbelief. After all, she had put the pressure on for me to do this. When everything had come back normal, the Dr said that he had to cauterize the wound. In layman’s terms, burn it shut. He was put on his back on a bad while I held his arms and had my face close to his while the further mutilated his penis. He screamed for a second and then it was over. I held him and nursed him. It was all I could do.
I don’t remember much about the days or weeks after. He was lucky to have no further complications. I do remember going to see my Dr and she said she had never seen anything like that and there was empathy in her eyes because she knew I initially didn’t want to do it. I blamed my mom for a long time. I blamed the 65 year old Dr with shakey hands who shouldn’t be practising still. I now blame myself.

I am lucky that T developed into a happy, wonderful child who is now a loving big brother. He’s never had any signs of PSTD however I wouldn’t be surprised if they ever did develop. Our 11 month old is not circumsized. I don’t think anyone, including my Dr even asked me if I was considering it. I remember reading a part in Jenny McCarthy’s book about circumcision, she said that she wanted her son to have a “pretty penis”. It disgusted me because my now almost 4 year old has a scar and excess skin on one side. I will have to explain to him one day what happened and I’m fearing the worst. “Why would you do that to me mum”. I dread it.

So post this everywhere. Send this link to every mum who is pregnant with a boy or might have to make this decision.
Yes, I regret doing it, but I’m hoping that some of my own healing can come from sharing this and maybe change even one person’s mind.

Book Feature by Bhairvi Johnston

It’s tough enough raising well balanced kids but try doing through a divorce or separation.  How you handle this life change will directly affect your children.  So you if can get through this typically difficult transition with self control – you and your children will live well moving forward.

There are so many details that need to be addressed when the decision to divorce or separate occurs.  Emotions can take over and financial and personal matters get messy or missed.  If this is happening to you or someone you care about, guidance is here.

‘The Business of Breaking Up, Your Personal Guide’ was written to offer support to those who are at the beginning stages of a relationship demise.  This Guide is must-have tool to help readers understand the importance of taking action and control of your personal, financial, logistical and emotional matters.

The book does the thinking for you on vital details that need to be addressed. Written in a workbook style, the Guide will give you information, ideas, lists and suggestions to managing the logistics of separating your household belongings, assets, debt, personal information, pets, friends and more.

Available in Chapters, Indigo, Amazon, Self Connections Book Store, Divine Mine and directly from the Author at  www.breakingupguide.com.  Please feel free to visit the website for a more detailed overview of the material offered that will help anyone get through one of lives most difficult transitions with a much needed sense of control.

Guest Blogger: Bhairvi Johnston

Pebble Mountain Organizing

Moving Mountains One Pebble at a Time

Delegation – A wonderful thing!  Often difficult for some but once accomplished, what a great option for freeing up some valuable time. Your own family is a great  resource for helping out around the house. By getting children on board, many daily household tasks can be completed without your participation.   The challenge comes at the beginning of the process when implementing this option.  We need to train others, develop patience and accept that the final result will or may vary from the results of our own efforts.

Delegating regular and age appropriate household tasks to family members can be the answer to a more balanced home environment.  By involving children early on, many can benefit. Yes, it’s true the towels may not be folded they way we like with all the corners matched up but if it get’s done well enough, it’s not so bad. In fact, by having young children complete this job, they feel helpful and good  about themselves because they are helping you, especially, if  you show them gratitude. You may be surprised to see their eagerness at first but then notice it’s gets boring for them after a while. It’s said that,  “routine creates habit” and this is an excellent habit. After some time, you’ll notice an improvement in those folded towels.

There are many other simple tasks around the house that can be delegated to others. Figure out what they are and who in your home can take on these new projects.  Take the extra time to teach the “chosen ones” what needs to completed, how to do it and how often the task needs to be done.  Depending on the age and task assigned, you may need to supervise the activity several times. You may even need to be in the room during the process if the kids are very young but still old enough to help out and participate in the family responsibilities.
Some of the duties may include emptying the dishwasher. One hint for younger kids is to put all the plastic dishes on the lower tray of the dishwasher and have these types of dishes permanently housed in a low cupboard. Other ideas include dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, watering plants, setting and clearing the table and making beds. All of these jobs have been performed by 3+ years of age.  For older children, the assignments could be different. If by chance, you are having trouble coming up with age appropriate tasks, remember the stories our parents told us about working in the barn or on the farm milking cows, fetching water, chopping wood and taking care of our young siblings all at the ripe age of two!!

Chores are an important part of teaching simple responsibility and respect for environment. Combining these lessons with reward is also something to consider. If your option for reward is allowance, then you can also begin lessons on the value of money. For younger kids, they concept of saving money is not too exciting.  It can become more interesting for them however, if the reward offers more immediate satisfaction. By taking the young ones to the dollar store once a week with their loonie, they will see the benefits of earning money and enjoying it’s rewards.

Finally, another good habit is to encourage a rule for children to put one game, project or activity away before pulling out a new one. Also, cleaning up at the end of the day is much easier this way.  A few minutes of clean up before the next play activity, lunch or bed will become their norm if you make it happen.

Blogger: Andrea Chapman

I had a moment of quiet this morning. After the Christmas clean up, and being roused from sleep at 5:53am by my insistent son, making coffee and getting the morning paper I sat down at the kitchen table and looked outside and it was QUIET. A fresh layer of snow, hoar frost on the trees, predawn light peeking through, my son not being his usual nonstop self and I realized that moments like this exist in between the chaos, I just don’t acknowledge them. I get propelled into activity, overwhelmed by the mundane and miss them.

Today I will attempt to consciously look for the opportunities for quiet and savor them, no matter how brief.

When are your moments?

Guest Blogger:  Veera

This is my son’s 2nd Christmas, and he will be 3 in a few weeks.  Last year, he didn’t really “get” it.  I mean, it was fun to rip paper and try and pull decorations off the tree, but it cannot compare to the wonder and absolute glee he is experiencing this year.  The discovery of all the mechanical singing Santas and snowmen coincide nicely with his obsession to “press the button?”  Throwing snow at me is wonderful fun (for him, definitely not me).  And thanks to some early Christmas celebrations with family, he has also been well trained in unwrapping gifts, be they his or not.  This does lead to some confusion and frustration when the unwrapped toy is NOT for him but his easily distractable nature comes in handy when this happens.

And I am thankful for his excitement, especially since this Christmas is one of the financially leanest I can remember in my adult life.  I am glad I don’t have to explain why he only has 3 presents to open from me, why he didn’t get the newest electronic gadget, why there are no cookies or as many candies as previous years (ok, this has little to do with financial leanness and more with my conscious attempt to keep them out of the house).  He will be happy to spend time with family, get spoiled with attention, put bows on his head and make a car out of a box.  And although he is more concerned with the getting and not the giving of Christmas, he will have a wonderful time.  And so will I.

Guest Blogger:  Diana VanderWoerd

Originally posted www.westcoastgrace.blogspot.com

Juliet was talking about the simple fact that Romeo was only her enemy because of his last name… if he was a Fitzgerald her Daddy wouldn’t have a problem… But would we really have as much love for Romeo had he been named Hubert? “Wherefore art thou Hubert” just doesn’t have the same ring.

Shakespeare knew what he was about when he was writing the names for his characters… which just goes to show you how important it is to pick the right name for your child.

I have always had the conviction that the name you give your child sets him/her up for life… A name should have a meaning, whether by naming after a loved one or an important historical figure or just the meaning of the name itself. I was almost a Pamela (inward shudder… and apologies to those bearing that name)… thankfully, Diana was a family name and my parents chose to call me that.

Baby #2 is on the way and M and I find ourselves in the same boat as with Annie – trying to find a suitable name. And as usual, we are finding it very difficult. I took a book out of the library entitled 10,000 Baby Names. We didn’t find any we liked. You would think this would be an easy task, given that we both agree that we like more traditional names and veer away from the trendy, popular names. It’s not as if I’m at Anastasia and he’s at Jane, so one would think the gap between us is very narrow. It seems a veritable chasm.

And since I became a Medical Transcriptionist, a whole host of names have just dropped from being options. Certain medical terms that I hear daily sound the same as personal names. Colin makes me think of colon. Brady makes me think of bradycardia (slow heartbeat). Melena is black, tarry stool. Ainsley just sounds too close to anus. I apologise if you or any loved ones have the names above or ones similar in sound or spelling. This is just me. I’m sure each specialty, from engineering to literature has its own words or names that become taboo. For instance, those knowing their Bible stories well (and even those who don’t) would not willingly sentence their dear daughter to life with the name Delilah, no matter how beautifully it might roll off the tongue. I would never name my daughter Morgan ever since I took a literature course on the King Arthur stories; three months of hearing how maligned Morgan of the Fairies is as a literary character will turn you off of that name, now much how much you might have liked it before. And I did. It was at the top of my list for girls names before then, but now it’s just ruined for me.

So, what’s in a name? Plenty, if you’re an over-analyzer like me. I happen to agree with another literary character who said something to the effect that if a rose was named something dreadful like a skunk cabbage, it wouldn’t smell as sweet…

Blogger:  Andrea Chapman

www.hennabellies.blogspot.com

Along with healthy eating, drinking lots of water and regular prenatal appointments, many pregnant mommas-to-be are embracing belly henna to as part of their pregnancy and journey to becoming a mother.

Henna is a safe, beautiful way to temporarily decorate an expanding belly.  Some women get it done once each trimester and just before their due date to celebrate the different stages of gestation.  Henna paste – made with henna powder, lemon juice and sugar and sometimes lavender oil – has natural cooling properties and its application has a calming effect.   It is believed to draw good luck and ward off evil.  The henna is applied directly to the belly while the momma-to-be quietly relaxes.  Application takes between 30-60 minutes.  Once the paste has dried to the touch, a solution of lemon juice and sugar is applied to the design to increase adhesion to the skin and prevent the henna from flaking off.  Tape or tissue can also be applied to prevent further flaking.  The paste should remain for a minimum of 4 hours but will provide a deeper stain the longer it stays on the skin.  The temporary design can last 7-10 days and start off a light orange color, darkening to reddish brown, and disappears during your skin’s natural exfoliation process.

The designs drawn with henna vary as much as the artists themselves.  Because of its ancient and symbolic qualities, many women wonder about the religious nature of henna.  While many cultures around the world use symbols in their designs, henna can be enjoyed for its purely decorative properties, without offending its traditional heritage.  It’s more important for the design to be meaningful to the wearer, whatever it may be.  Some mommas-to-be request their initials together with the father’s to symbolize their new family or baby footprints celebrating the life is growing inside.  Many mommas-to-be wish to include photographs of the hennaed belly in their baby album.

Henna is generally safe to use during a healthy pregnancy, although you should consult your caregiver before application. Beware of “Black Henna” which contains black hair dye.  It can cause blistering, scarring and lifelong problems.  Henna should NEVER be black or have a chemical smell.  It should smell earthy and pleasant (like hay) and be brownish in color. The paste should contain only natural ingredients with the possible addition of lavender oil, and you should feel comfortable enough with your henna artist to ask about and trust their paste.

While this article focuses on belly henna, many people enjoy adorning themselves with henna to celebrate weddings, birthdays, or any special event.  It can be applied to any part of the body, but tends to last longer on the hands and feet where the skin is thicker.  Because it is temporary, it is a fun way to “try out” tattoos and can be enjoyed by both men and women.

Guest Blogger:  Holly Hykaway, Best Beginnings Educational Consulting

www.best-beginnings.com

Routine and ritual are words that are often associated with boring and monotonous. That simply is not the case for children. When small children have little control over their environment, the comfort, security and familiarity of routines and rituals are vital for their emotional health.

Routines are patterns or structures children can use to predict how things will go in their lives. For example, a child can predict that he will be buckled up in his car seat after being seated in the vehicle and before the car starts. A ritual is a routine that has special meaning and significance, such as a bedtime routine that includes a special bedtime prayer, and the same way to say “good night.” Both are an important part of the daily life of a child.

Here are some great ideas for turning routines into rituals:

1) Diaper changing time is perfect for singing a special song to your child. It can keep them occupied and reinforce the connection and response they have to your voice. It doesn’t matter if you don’t remember the words. Make them up as you go along! Kids love those songs the best!
2) Make up a special parting ritual that lets them know how much you love them. A great traditional one is, “See you later, Alligator. In a while, Crocodile.” Try coming up with your own special saying or handshake and accompany it with some type of affection such as a hug, kiss or even a wink.
3) Start off the day right with a morning ritual. Say good morning to the sun with your child as you open the blinds and look out on a new day. Greet all their furry, stuffed animal friends and wish them a good morning or play peek-a-boo between the rails of the crib.
4) Good night rituals are just as important. Find a nursery rhyme you can recite about bed time (check out www.mothergoose.com) or say a special prayer and again accompany it with some form of affection.
5) Friday rituals are great! What can you do when the family reaches the end of the work week? Popcorn night? Family board games? Take out night? These rituals tend to be very popular and among the most remembered in adulthood.

It doesn’t matter the time or the place, making special meaning for your child is what counts.

While gaining from the comfort provided in routines and rituals, children can also learn to be comfortable with the unexpected. Life requires flexibility too! It is also important to build in alternative activities occasionally and help children find coping strategies for times when routines change. There will be days when the routines get tossed out the window, just help them be prepared for it. On those days, having well established routines and a child comfortable with flexibility may just save your sanity as well.